Bye Bye Binky AGAIN

Matthew is almost 3 years old, and is ADDICTED to his binky. However, I believe his binky has been causing him to have a problem with properly articulating words in his speech, so I decided that the binky had to go "bye bye" yesterday. This is not the first time I tried to take it away (tried 1 other time with putting the binkies in a special bag on the door for the "binky fairy" to take and leave something special - obviously didn't go well). So, we collected his binkies and buried them in the backyard (deep in the ground so nobody retrieved them) in hopes that something special might "grow" in place of the binkies. Well...amazingly, when we woke up a "LOLLIPOP TREE" grew outside in that exact spot. Everyone was so excited about this stick tree with lollipops hanging on it. So far so good on being a big boy - just wondering if we have to pick a lollipop everyday from the tree for a while in order to keep Matthew happy with his choice to bury his binkies? And, his speech is ALREADY improving - go figure!

Sad but funny

To add to my last post: As I was ranting outloud to myself about wanting to "quit this job," Joseph said, "But you can't quit, mommy! We need you! We can't take care of ourselves yet." I was taken back by his statement and said "Yes, you can. What can't you do for yourself?" He replied, "I can pour the cereal in the bowl, but I can't pour the milk, Mommy. It's too heavy!" Yep - that is what I am here for - TO POUR THE MILK. :)

Bad Mom Award

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my children BUT today was a bad bad day. I felt like I spent the entire day yelling at them about everything - ugh! The boys wouldn't stop fighting. Matthew woke up the baby by climbing INTO her crib while I was in the shower. After that fine moment, I was sent into a tizzy about everything (picking up toys, climbing on the couch, eating lunch, not listening, etc.). There were a few quiet, peaceful moments throughout the day, but the ending topped it off. Joseph was whining and crying about everything. Matthew popped him in the mouth with his head (causing a cut to start bleeding again). As Joseph walked around crying in sheer agony, I tried to calm him using calm words and a cold washcloth. It just wasn't enough, so I just yelled, "Just go bleed in your room! I don't want to hear anymore!" This is what motherhood is all about.

We're in trouble...

So, I was having a nice talk with Joseph (almost 5) today about his grandparents coming home from their trip to Italy. It went a little like this...

Mom: You have to take a very long plane ride to get to Italy. Would you like to go there someday?

Joseph: Yes (pause) maybe after I've had children we can all go.

Mom: Well, you need to find a wife first before you have children.

Joseph: Yes, that won't be hard to do. You know, there are a lot of girls in my class that I could marry.

I had to burst out laughing at that point. Guess we'll be having "the talk" early - what do you think? I'm going to hold onto to him as long as I can, though :)

Pretty in pink

Vulnerable

Before becoming a mother, my life belonged to me. I could eat, sleep and go out whenever I wanted. I could talk on the phone with no interruptions. I had complete freedom. I was not vulnerable to the intense fears I have as a mother.

After becoming a mother, I fear losing my children. I fear having to see them suffer in any way. This fear can be immobilizing, terrifying as I pray for God to protect each of my children. The intensity of love as a mother is almost too much to bear sometimes.

Maybe this fear and vulnerability is given to mothers to teach them to appreciate EVERY moment they have with their children? Not to take one moment for granted. Becoming a mother was the greatest gift from God. I will embrace it, even if my life no longer belongs to me.

One word

There is only one word that describes my day as a mother today: immediacy. Every want and need must be met immediately OR ELSE. It can be frazzling, I must say.

Don't wake the Mama

I have been waiting for the day that I could just lay in bed while my children make their own breakfast and entertain themselves. Well, it seems as though that day was today (or at least the beginnings of it)! My boys got up and got dressed upstairs. Then, my almost 5 year old took his almost 3 year old brother downstairs (as I got myself and the baby ready for the day upstairs), and proceeded to get the bowls, cereal and milk to the table. He even poured the cereal into the bowls (WITHOUT spilling). He decided to wait for me to pour the milk because it is too heavy for him. What a little man! They were both so proud as I walked downstairs to witness their accomplishment. It is in these moments that I feel like I might be doing something right during the chaos of motherhood.

MNO

It had been quite a while since I went out with my mom's group ladies for some adult conversation. And after a glass of wine, boy was it a good conversation! ;>) A part of me is such an open book, and another part of me is so reserved. No subjects of conversation are taboo for me. I guess I am just comfortable with myself. I just hope some of the topics I brought up did not offend the other women. I often question why God made me this way - so open. A positive side to this personality trait is that I often make people feel very comfortable in talking to me about their personal lives, including love, marriage, sex, loss, religion, heartache, etc. Despite my tangent on this subject, I had a wonderful time with some awesome women tonight - thank you, ladies! It was a much needed break from the monotony of motherhood.